RSS Feed
Dec 4

Rules of the South

Posted on Friday, December 4, 2009 in Funnies

RedneckI received this via email from the Good Clean Funnies List this morning, and thought it was pretty funny.  So I copied and pasted.  Enjoy!

1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.

2. Turn your cap right; your head isn’t crooked.

3. Let’s get this straight: it’s called a “gravel road.” I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you’re going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.

4. They are cattle. That’s why they smell to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don’t like it? I-40 goes east and west, I-65 goes north and south. Pick one.

5. So you have a $60,000 car. We’re impressed. We have $250,000 cotton strippers that are driven only three weeks a year.

6. So every person in the south waves. It’s called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.

7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don’t have it up to your ear at the time.

8. Yeah, we eat catfish and crawfish. You really want sushi and caviar? It’s available at the corner bait shop.

9. The “Opener” refers to the first day of deer season. It’s a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.

10. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age.

11. No, there’s no “vegetarian special” on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the chef’s salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.

12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup. Oh, yeah … we don’t care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat … IT AIN’T REAL CHILI!!

13. You bring “coke” into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice. You bring “Mary Jane” into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.

14. College and high school football is as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang sight more fun to watch.

15. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don’t hit the water hazards — it spooks the fish.

16. Colleges? We have them all over. We have state universities, universities, and vo-techs. They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at everybody when they come for the holidays.

17. We have more folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines. So don’t mess with us. If you do, you will get whipped by the best.

18. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump mess ain’t music, anyway. We don’t want to hear it any more than we want to see your boxers. Refer back to #1.

Dec 3

Recap of Ignite Youth Service, December 2, 2009

Posted on Thursday, December 3, 2009 in Recap

vinesWe all have a few things that we run to for comfort when life is difficult.  I run to my wife, to whom I’m thankful that I can share anything and everything.  And, being a big geek, I also run to the cloud, whether on my computer or my Blackberry.  And there’s nothing inherently wrong with any of these things, but they can become problems if we start looking to them before we look to God, or instead of.

John 15:1-8 says:

1 “I am the Real Vine and my Father is the Farmer.2 He cuts off every branch of me that doesn’t bear grapes. And every branch that is grape-bearing he prunes back so it will bear even more.3 You are already pruned back by the message I have spoken.4 “Live in me. Make your home in me just as I do in you. In the same way that a branch can’t bear grapes by itself but only by being joined to the vine, you can’t bear fruit unless you are joined with me.5 “I am the Vine, you are the branches. When you’re joined with me and I with you, the relation intimate and organic, the harvest is sure to be abundant. Separated, you can’t produce a thing.6 Anyone who separates from me is deadwood, gathered up and thrown on the bonfire.7 But if you make yourselves at home with me and my words are at home in you, you can be sure that whatever you ask will be listened to and acted upon.8 This is how my Father shows who he is—when you produce grapes, when you mature as my disciples. The Message

3 things happen when we make sure nothing comes before God:

1.  When we focus on God, we’re fruitful.

Being united with God can only happen if we spend time with Him instead of other things and other people.

2.  When we focus on God, we’re satisfied.

Psalm 103:5 says that God satisfies your desires with good things.  There are tons of things we look to for satisfaction instead of God: friends, cars, drugs, academics, sex, sports, music, etc.  The problem is that the fix always goes away.  They may satisfy for a moment, or even for a season, but they won’t give you satisfaction like God will.

3.  When we focus on God, we please Him.

Verse 8 of the above Scripture tells us that God gets the glory when we bear fruit.  The story of Mary and Martha in Luke 10 tells us that there is nothing more important than spending quality time with Him instead of getting bogged down in all the other things.

So, what is it that you have been putting before, or with, God to get you through?  Is it “God and…”, or just God?

Nov 19

Why Sunday Nights, Part 3

Posted on Thursday, November 19, 2009 in Thoughts

why (1)This is the 3rd part in a series.  If you missed the first two, here is the first, and here is the second.

Well, this has been fun!  I have to say I’ve learned much in the past few days while composing this article and arguing my point.

I must apologize to those who I promised to have this out sooner.  I’ve had to take a step back and get some council–mostly because I intended this post to actually use my church as an example.  But it occurred to me that I may want to discuss this with my Pastor, my boss, and my wise council, before I do that.  After discussing it with him, we decided that I should tread very softly, because these posts do not necessarily represent the opinions of those of The Rock Church.

So this is me treading softly.  If my Pastor takes any issues with my statements, they may be removed.  Just so you know.

Our church does not have Sunday Night Services.  As I mentioned in the previous post, the morning/evening service model simply does not work for us.  That’s not to say that there aren’t some in our church that would love to have it.  But after much deliberation, polling, and prayer, the leadership decided that Sunday Nights weren’t going to be part of our regular service line-up.

Now, there are many who may ask, “Why doesn’t it work?  Aren’t your people hungry for God?”

And that’s not easy to answer.  Again, as formerly stated, our members’ devotion to Christ can’t be measured by their attendance and participation.  Our membership consists of Chief Financial Officers, small business owners, firm-partners, single-mothers, and the homeless (I had intended to be more specific, but it was decided that was a little invasive).  For most of our families, there is no stay-at-home-mom/dad in the mix.  The kids are extremely involved in school and other civic activities, such as band, gymnastics, and football (you can’t forget football in Valdosta…).  With both parents getting home at 5, 6, or even 7 p.m., and many of the kids not getting home till then or later, getting homework done, baths taken, room cleaned, and other household responsibilities, cramming church in there is difficult at best.  So not just Sunday nights, but Wednesday nights (or any other night of the week for that matter) are suffering.  And there is no one to blame for it.  It’s simply a fact.

Furthermore, they found (this was before I arrived) that many (certainly not all) of the folks that attended Sunday nights were those that were committed enough to come, and even be able to worship and receive the Word.  But when they were asked to be honest, they expressed that they would prefer to be at home, trying to squeeze in a few moments with their families, since they really don’t have any relaxing time to spend with family during the week.  Again, I find that understandable.  And it is a symptom of the society that we have created.

So, it should be underscored that the decision not to have Sunday Nights, though one that I would have supported, were made before I got here.

Ultimately, here is my gripe: churches that hang on to things that don’t work.  Can we please get rid of dumb traditions, mindsets, and goals, that in no way are prescribed in the Bible.  There should be–and this is important–an effort made by the church to find new ways to minister to its people, and to bring them together for the glory of God (let’s not forget that the other mission of the church, besides ministering to people, is to glorify God).  I suggest home groups.  If we can’t get the people to the church, let’s bring the church to them!

Lastly, while discussing this with my Pastor, he said something that struck me between the eyes (which he often does–the guy has incredible wisdom).  If people (not necessarily our church, but in general) are truly on fire for God, burning with a passion for His presence and and outpouring of His Spirit, then Sunday Mornings simply won’t be enough for them.

I’ll leave you with that.

Nov 16

Why Sunday Nights, Part 2

Posted on Monday, November 16, 2009 in Thoughts

sunday-night-slideThis is Part 2 of “Why Sunday Nights.”  If you missed it, here is part 1.

Today the Sunday night church service has become a tradition.  Just one of many that holds the church in a stranglehold.  The two-service model was originally just something that some folks figured out as what worked for their situation, but it has become an expected model for the rest of us.

But let’s face it: circumstances have changed.  And even if they hadn’t, not every situation is the same.  Churches are different from each other for a variety of reasons, and to try and have a one-size-fits-all model for every church is counter-productive, and rather silly.

And it took me moving 400 miles away from the circles I used to move in to figure that out.  You see, I’m a church geek.  Always have been.  For the past 15 or so years I have been at church every time the door was open.  Yes, I’m a Youth Pastor, but I wasn’t always.  And even when I wasn’t, I was always there.  It’s just how I work.  I love working at church; it gives me fulfillment.

But after I moved away from home and all things familiar, I was exposed to, well, non-churchy people.  I had surrounded myself with people who lived and breathed church just like I did.  But when I moved and had to make new friends, I began to realize that I had been living in a world that was great for “church geeks,” but not so much for the real world.  Not everyone lives and breathes church like I did (and still do, for those that think I’m bitter).  That is not to say that they don’t devote their lives to Christ and Him crucified, but they also have other things going on in their lives.

Now, I’ve also had the argument that “Jesus gave up everything for our salvation, can’t we do the same for Him.”  So you mean to tell me that every person that is sold-out to Christ needs to leave their careers, their children, and their family for Jesus?  And yes, I hear the “rich, young ruler” story resounding in my head as I type this.  But I don’t believe that Jesus wanted us all to literally give up everything to follow Him.  I do believe that we should be willing to give it all up at a moment’s notice should He ask us to, and I know plenty of people who have, or will.  But if we all did that, nothing would function.  No business would have any employees left (unless you count the unsaved, but of course it’s our job to convert them all, and who would that leave…), and life as we know it would come to a halt.  I don’t believe that’s what Jesus was asking.  I believe He would prefer us to give up our idols, but to continue to be a missionary right where He has us in our everyday lives.

What does this have to do with Sunday nights?  Well what if a person has children who play sports?  And those practices are on Wednesday night?  Should they give up the sport because they’re going to miss church?  Absolutely not!  That’s ridiculous!  What if God used them to reach out to their teammates and win them to Christ, and then bring them to church when the season is over?

I think I’m rambling.  Sorry about that.  My point is that, here in America, people don’t wrap their lives around church.  It’s a shame really.  In foreign countries, places that we would call third-world, the church is thriving.  And I’ve had multiple missionaries give the same explanation: lack of distraction.  There’s nothing else to do in town, so every day, if people aren’t working, they’re at church.  And because of that, discipleship is flourishing and the church is thriving. But, to expect that in America is absurd. There are too many distractions.

So, I submit, that instead of the church’s obsession with being counter-cultural, creating programs that people don’t want, and answering questions people aren’t asking (again, for the sick, not the well), why don’t we adapt?  Throw out stale traditions that weren’t intended for us. Remove restrictions that are simply unbiblical.  And for heaven’s sake, meet real needs right in your own front yard, using methods that work for you, instead of hanging on to what used to.

Tomorrow, I’ll finish up with the last part of this series, using real examples of real people in our very own church (don’t worry, I won’t use names).

Nov 16

Why Sunday Nights, Part 1?

Posted on Monday, November 16, 2009 in Thoughts

sunday-night-slideOver the past couple of days, I’ve encountered a few folks that disagree with me in an area that has probably been a debate in every church across America at some point–at least the ones with more than 1 instrument on stage.  During a discussion on Facebook this afternoon, it was even suggested that I was bitter.  I found that pretty humorous (you’ll see why, later), and those that know me pretty well will know why.  So I thought I would discuss it in a little more detail here.  I’m going to divide this into three posts, because I tend to be wordy, and I don’t want this to go too long.

So, what am I talking about?  Well, by the title of the post, you’ve probably already figured it out:  Why Sunday Nights–why have another church service a few hours after you just had one.

For as long as anyone still alive can remember, churches typically have had two services (excluding churches who have reached their capacity and have had to add a few in the mornings).  They have one in the morning and one at night.  Considering this isn’t found anywhere in the Bible, one might ask why churches do that.  The answer is pretty straightforward, and not as stupid as many folks of my generation tend to think.

Back in the day, church used to start sometime in the morning, and they would just go till they were done.  Now, for some people, usually of the evangelical/pentecostal variety, that could be a long, long time.  Sometimes all day long and into the evening.  Well needless to say, folks tended to get a bit hungry after a while.  So they decided to start taking a lunch break.  Lunch break turned into lunch and a nap (cutting this short), and eventually it became just two separate services, one in the morning, and one in the evening.

I have a lot of respect for that history.  It makes sense.  It’s straightforward and practical.  At least it was back in its day.

Now, here’s the caveat:  for the folks that I was “debating” with (over Facebook of all places…I’m such a geek…) the Sunday Night Service model works for them.  And I was too quick to interject my opinion on that, an action that I regret.  As usual, my mouth (or thumbs, because I typed it on my Blackberry) was ahead of my brain.  So to those folks, I apologize for attacking what works for you.

Thus endeth part 1.  In part 2 I’ll discuss why I disagree with the Sunday Night tradition, and in part 3, I’ll conclude with a real world example: my very own church.